Dear Wednesday night group,

I have enjoyed immensely getting to know you all better these last few months, the coming together, the sharing of stories, the laughter and the learning about each other - in the ways our experiences are similar and the way they are different.

We shared stories of the problem, of the ways our neurodiverse children can present and the joys as well as the problems this can bring.  We talked about the ways they get upset, and we called these problem ‘The Panicasaurus’ and ‘The big red monster’

We have shared stories of other peoples responses to our children, and how that can also be double storied - that is can also be a problem when others don’t recognise our insider knowledge, as well as a source of great comfort and connection when they do.

We also shared stories of how impactful these things can be on our sense of self, especially as a parent.  That there are times we feel guilt, shame, or a sense that we are not doing good enough as parents.  This can be as a result of our children’s behaviour in public, other peoples responses to our children, or a combination of both.  For some of us, this could be exacerbated if we are or were separated from the other biological parent of our child, and have been a single parent.  At these times some of us felt that we could be subject to further negative judgement from others and for those of us in the group that had experienced being a single parent had indicated that our children’s dysregulated behaviour was on occasion attributed to us being single parents rather than their neurodiversity, and that this in turn could lead to ostracisation from others.

We talked about the ways in which we have resisted and stood up to these problems and shared stories of these acts of resistance. These stories had themes of advocating for our children, and deepening our connection with them in listening to their needs and wants.

Some examples of these stories are really individual - developing special skills and capabilities in order to achieve unique outcomes for our children.  For many of us, we shared that developing these new skills also had to have the additional step of ‘unlearning’ how to parent has we had been parented as children.

We witnessed each other’s stories of resistance, and spoke about the ways in which this resonated, the words and phrases that stood out, the images it evoked and the places in our own lives that this took us to.  I noticed as I watched you witness each others acts of resistance a sense of looking backwards and forwards through time, as those of us with older children saw how far we have come, and those of us with younger children saw that things really can get easier.

I have truly valued these weeks of coming together, and I cherish the sense of community that has arisen in our group.

I’m genuinely excited to hear about and be part of the future plans for the group - the ideas for a song, a brochure and a book.  I know whatever you create will be beneficial for other parents like the ones in this group, and I’m so excited to see this all come together in the coming weeks as we continue our work together.

With much care and admiration to you all,

Jenny x