The questions we used in responding

When we listened to each other’s stories we listened in a particular way. We considered the following questions in order to guide our responses. If you would like to respond to any of the stories on these pages, we invite you to respond using the following questions as a road map for the things you might notice as you read them, and to answer them when putting together your response.

We offered outsider witness to each other using questions based upon the four categories of inquiry (White, 2007) to guide us.

What resonated with you?

What expressions, words and phrases stood out?

What images came to mind?

What do you think is important to (author)?

Where did it take you, from your own life?

Feel free to use these questions to respond to any of the stories shared on these pages using the submission form.

letter to the group

Dear Wednesday night group,

I have enjoyed immensely getting to know you all better these last few months, the coming together, the sharing of stories, the laughter and the learning about each other - in the ways our experiences are similar and the way they are different.

We shared stories of the problem, of the ways our neurodiverse children can present and the joys as well as the problems this can bring.  We talked about the ways they get upset, and we called these problem ‘The Panicasaurus’ and ‘The big red monster’

We have shared stories of other peoples responses to our children, and how that can also be double storied - that is can also be a problem when others don’t recognise our insider knowledge, as well as a source of great comfort and connection when they do.

We also shared stories of how impactful these things can be on our sense of self, especially as a parent.  That there are times we feel guilt, shame, or a sense that we are not doing good enough as parents.  This can be as a result of our children’s behaviour in public, other peoples responses to our children, or a combination of both.  For some of us, this could be exacerbated if we are or were separated from the other biological parent of our child, and have been a single parent.  At these times some of us felt that we could be subject to further negative judgement from others and for those of us in the group that had experienced being a single parent had indicated that our children’s dysregulated behaviour was on occasion attributed to us being single parents rather than their neurodiversity, and that this in turn could lead to ostracisation from others.

We talked about the ways in which we have resisted and stood up to these problems and shared stories of these acts of resistance. These stories had themes of advocating for our children, and deepening our connection with them in listening to their needs and wants.

Some examples of these stories are really individual - developing special skills and capabilities in order to achieve unique outcomes for our children.  For many of us, we shared that developing these new skills also had to have the additional step of ‘unlearning’ how to parent has we had been parented as children.

We witnessed each other’s stories of resistance, and spoke about the ways in which this resonated, the words and phrases that stood out, the images it evoked and the places in our own lives that this took us to.  I noticed as I watched you witness each others acts of resistance a sense of looking backwards and forwards through time, as those of us with older children saw how far we have come, and those of us with younger children saw that things really can get easier.

I have truly valued these weeks of coming together, and I cherish the sense of community that has arisen in our group.

I’m genuinely excited to hear about and be part of the future plans for the group - the ideas for a song, a brochure and a book.  I know whatever you create will be beneficial for other parents like the ones in this group, and I’m so excited to see this all come together in the coming weeks as we continue our work together.

With much care and admiration to you all,

Jenny x

Response to our stories

I read both stories and found that I could relate to both stories in so many ways. I resonated with the feelings of failure, the judgement and isolation, the constant questioning of myself and the constant efforts it took to try to regulate my autistic ADHD children, the lack of understanding from others, even family.

It was honestly very triggering reading these stories, it made me want to cry after having to live in survival for so many years. So much stood out for me.. "I often feel physically and emotionally drained and for a long time I felt isolated until I found close friends who also had neurodivergent children. With them I feel I can speak openly without judgement".

This was me also. I also related to having to put my own ambitions for further study and even work on hold time and time again to be there for my children and the desire for them to learn the strategies to cope and manage their own emotions and regulation.

Reading both these stories definitely took me back to when they were toddlers and I was at a complete loss as to how to manage and blamed myself for all their behaviour for many years. It really took a lot to shift my guilt and it was a game changer when it did.

It is amazing how similar my beliefs about myself and the effect others judgements towards me and my children impacted me.

It did help me reading this to realise how far you both have come and also made me reflect that I also have had such s similar journey and have also come further than I realised or gave myself credit for.

Thankyou for sharing your stories. I endeavour to submit one of my own in response to the same questions soon. I feel encouraged and excited to be able to share this journey in this way. It is unique and I really hope i can get to meet you all and get to know you and hear more of your amazing stories of struggle, perseverance and all the little wins along the way.

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.