The Stares

Both my children have had those “stares” at different times throughout their lives so far. My first son had a lot of emotional outbursts where he would scream and cry. I remember one day as I was picking him up from school, he asked about an event, and I said we weren’t planning on going. My son instantly dropped to the floor and screamed “NOOOO!” at the top of his lungs. I immediately felt all eyes on me, I looked around to see people staring and looking shocked as if I had just told him someone had died or our house had burned down or something to that significance. I quickly got him into the car and began calming him down. It was the same whenever we had to leave someone’s house after a play, he would have these huge “over-the-top” reactions. 

I would get anxious about going anywhere because I never knew how my kids would handle certain situations that would arise.

My second son didn’t have the same big outbursts, he was quite withdrawn and didn’t really have the desire to engage with other much. I would often find myself apologising to people because he would ignore them and wouldn’t answer back when they would talk to him. One day when he was about 3 years old we were trying to leave McDonalds and he laid down on the floor and refused to get up. I was holding my baby at the time so I was struggling and couldn’t just pick him up. I had an older lady glaring at me and then she whispered something to her partner while still looking in my direction frowning. 

Having to factor in how other people will react to our kids, is just another thing to add, to the already overloaded metaphorical plate, that parents of neurodivergent kids, are carrying. 

We already have the stress of the meltdowns and screaming/hitting, then to add on top having complete strangers judge and scowl at you, is really difficult. 

It’s hard not to get defensive in these moments. You want to explain to these people, this minute of chaos they are witnessing, doesn’t reflect the type of child they truly are. They have moments when they are absolutely delightful, funny, curious, kind and clever. 

There have also been moments where complete strangers have shown me kindness amidst the chaos.  I have had people say, “do you need a hand?” or “you’re doing a great job”. These little moments of encouragement have given me that little boost and strength to keep going.  Now I am the parent checking in on others in the hard moments. I have developed an understanding and deep compassion for parents struggling with their children’s challenging behaviours.