Story from ‘Beth’
Category One “Naming The Problem”
My child did not engage with other children during playgroups, which necessitated my constant supervision. Additionally, her meltdowns were becoming increasingly frequent and more intense.
Whenever we participated in activities like grocery shopping, playgroups, or library story time, my child struggled to sit and engage like the other children. Attempts to encourage her to participate often led to resistance and meltdowns, ultimately requiring us to leave to avoid disrupting other
Anytime we leave the comfort of home, my child can become easily overwhelmed—a pattern that has been present since she was 13 months old and continues now at age 5. However, she is beginning to recognize the early warning signs in her body when she's nearing a heightened emotional state, allowing her to exercise a bit more control over her emotions. My presence seems to help her manage this, as I can observe her triggers and gently prompt her to take a 'body break,' use a fidget, or have a cuddle to help her cope with rising anxiety and manage her 'red beast.'
Category two “exploring the effect of the problem”
My child can find even the simplest day-to-day tasks incredibly challenging—not due to being 'difficult' or 'naughty,' but because she struggles to process the world around her. For instance, something as routine as taking a shower can trigger a cascade of overwhelming thoughts: the feeling of getting wet, concerns about the water temperature, the sensation of soap, or the discomfort of brushing her hair, which feels as painful as a bruise. Even the chill after getting out of the shower can make her irritable. Given these challenges, avoiding a shower feels far less stressful to her, often overshadowing the importance of personal care and hygiene.
My daughter's high needs make it extremely challenging to plan social outings, such as lunch dates or dinners, as she struggles with crowded settings and cannot sit still for extended periods. This often requires me to step away from my company to tend to her needs, which may unintentionally make others feel overlooked, though that is far from the case. Her complex behaviors have also limited our access to family and friends for support, making much-needed respite or date nights with my husband rare. I often wait until she’s asleep before having a sitter over, as this is the only way they feel comfortable helping.
I find my self triggered by her behaviour and I tend to react instead of empathise and reflect her needs, I have learnt to be more calm and to use creative ways to get the tasked done however with my own struggles with ADHD I feel the pressure of using my whole brain all day long and find my self feeling very emtionally exhausted and not excepting help because I know her best and I know im the best one to help her suceed. I keep needing a break but not wanting to take one because I have so much guilt because it is a struggle most days and I watch nurotypical child and mothers and wish my daughter could have life a little easier for herself and me.
I often feel physically and emotionally drained, and for a long time, I felt isolated—until I found two close friends who also have neurodiverse children. With them, I can speak openly about the challenges without fear of judgment, something many neurotypical parents might not fully understand. Although I’ve wanted to pursue further studies for years, the mental load feels overwhelming, as my energy is devoted to supporting her daily needs. My goal is to help her develop stronger emotional regulation skills so that, when I do eventually begin studying to advance my future, she’ll have the tools and strategies to navigate daily challenges, social interactions, and emotional regulation, enabling me to step away knowing she’s in capable hands.
Category Three “Evaluating the effects of the problem”
I often find myself withdrawing out of a fear of judgment—both toward my daughter and myself. Although I still take her places, I experience a lot of anxiety, uncertain about what might trigger her or whether I’ll be able to manage if a situation arises. This has impacted my friendships, as I’m often unable to offer help or support in the way I’d like, knowing I would need to bring her along, which might limit what we can accomplish. Over time, I feel I’ve lost connections with friends and family because I distance myself to avoid judgment. However, where I am in life now, I’m grateful to have found friends who truly understand—many of them are on a similar journey with neurodiverse children. We share a deep empathy and support for each other’s motherhood journeys, which has brought a new sense of community and understanding into my life.
Category Four “Justifying the Evaluation”
I believe my values have shifted over time. I’ve come to appreciate the diverse ways in which people’s brains work, and I regret my past judgments of other mothers, especially now that I understand what my daughter goes through. While my dreams have evolved, I remain hopeful that they’re still within reach. Thanks to my daughter, I’ve learned the patience to wait for my turn to pursue my goals. My greatest achievement is raising my children, and my biggest dream is to see them grow into emotionally regulated, balanced individuals, sparing them from the struggles I had to learn to manage as an adult. I will continue doing my best, and I’ll give myself grace on the bad days, because what we face daily is often more challenging than most realize. Everyone deserves a little respite.